Thursday, November 10, 2011

It was All Fun and Games Until I was Splattered With POO!


Yes, you read that correctly.  Allow me to explain...  Wednesday is bowling night for Hubby.  I'm home alone with the Shit-lins...(no projects happen on Wednesdays-the only thing noteworthy about Wednesdays is that my house looks like a damn F-5 Tornado went through it...I'm fortunate if I have time to let the over-weight dog out to potty!)  So, last night we did a little craft because Hubby's Birthday is today....here are the monsters painting Daddy's birthday cards!  Aren't they awesomeness!?!?!  Just wait.



Yes, I know...she looks thrilled.  She was home with Daddy all day and didn't get a 3:00 nap!  Awesomeness!

Yes, I'm nuts...3yr old and 18 mo. old...with paint!
Almost done...  
 Here are the final products.  Quite lovely.  And we managed to get by with no paint messes...except the giant orange spot on the dog.  
I let them wrap the gifts...I'm exhausted at this point and honestly didn't feel like doing it because well...there are lots of projects in my garage workshop  that need me...but no...it's bowling night!
Here's a closeup of the awesomeness...

K, so moving on.  We are almost finished potty training.  The #1 is good to the go...the #2 on the other hand, well, we're struggling with that!  So, I take the Little Princess into bed and just as she's almost down...Monster Man barges into the bedroom walking like he'd just had a colonoscopy screaming..."Mommy...get it, I poot, I poot, get it off Mommy!!!!!  Get da poot Mommy!!!"  Of course, I was pissed because he not only woke up the Little Princess, but was wearing big boy undies...and should have been fine because #2 was done in the am...BUT NO!!!!  LET'S HAVE 2 #2'S IN 1 DAY!!!  

AWESOMENESS!!  So, I leave the screaming Princess in bed while I go tend to Mr. Poot!  I remove the PJ's...and he tells me, "Put my poot in the potty Mommy, I get sticker?!?"  (We have a sticker chart that is filling up because every time he goes on the potty...he gets to pick a sticker and put it on a piece of paper...exciting, I know.  But hey, it works!!!)  I said, "no Parker, because you went in your bigboy underwear!"...then he of course threw a fit...anyway.  So, I very strategically removed the shitty undies and flipped a piece of his "poot" in the potty so he would zip it!  (I already had one screaming child and didn't need two...CPS would have been called because they're LOUD!!)  

OUT OF NOWHERE...DURING HIS BIG FIT CAUSED BY NOT GETTING A DAMN STICKER, HE DECIDES TO TOUCH HIS BUM AND SMEAR THE "POOT" ON HIS CRUMMY LITTLE HAND.  ALL THE WHILE, CAUSING HIM TO FREAK OUT AND SHAKE HIS HAND VIOLENTLY...WHILE SCREAMING CONSEQUENTLY, SPLATTERING HIS "POOT" ALL OVER MY FLIPPING FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is where this post ends.  No, I didn't beat my child.  I wiped my face...put a diaper on him (because I know he hates that...baaaahahaha), put his PJ's back on...and put the Princess to bed AGAIN.  Daddy arrived home about 20 minutes after the debacle and asked Parker why he was wearing a diaper and his response!?! "Mommy poot!"  I was too defeated to explain. I went to bed.

Hopefully tomorrow, I'll reveal Goodwill Christmas Lamp #2.